Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Cor. 15:58


Monday, January 16, 2012

day 210: When It's So Hard Not to Yell

Proverbs 25:15
Patience can persuade a prince,
and soft speech can break bones.


I'm not the most patient person in the world which I learned when my first daughter was born. I always thought I was pretty patient (I'm sure, looking back, my family would disagree...). When my daughter turned 18 months old, I was 9 months pregnant with her sister. If anyone has an 18 month old, you know how 'curious' and 'into everything' they are. Being hugely pregnant, I didn't feel like chasing her around all of the time, and the result was frustration and yelling.

I feel bad about it now.

I wish I could say that my yelling ceased over the years, but it didn't. I never thought I'd be one of those yelly Mamas, but, yeah, that's what happened. I never thought I'd be a yelly wife either (poor husband!).

About a year ago, I started reading Proverbs and found all of these verses on being gentle, patient, not angry-- and it started really dealing with me.

I'm not saying that I don't still yell (sigh), but it is very few and far between now, and I always tell God I'm sorry when I lose my cool.

We all lose our cool at times, but we need to work on being patient--- even if our jaw hurts from clinching it so much. :)

Patience can persuade a prince....

I've learned through my 8 1/2 years of marriage that if I yell at my husband during an arguement that he automatically thinks he's won. No ifs, ands, or butts about it. My point gets lost and he gets hung up on, "you yelled!"  SO, I've had to change my strategy and learn how to fight fair. How to keep from yelling (I'm still working on it lol) didn't come easily. It still doesn't, but it's getting easier. I had to realize that I wanted for him to hear my words more than I wanted to be loud.

I read once that kids automatically tune you out when you start yelling (something to do with how they are made). I'm the same way actually. So, what good does it do to yell?

I'm the same way with my husband when he yells in a fight. I shut down and think, "Why is he yelling at me?" so his words and his point get lost. I don't like when he yells in a fight, but *I* can do it all I want because *I* have a point to make--- uh huh (Great logic I've got there, right? lol)

My husband and I are doing so much better in the patience/not yelling department. With 3 small kids, that takes a lot of prayer and biting of the tongue.

But I have to say that I can tell a difference in our marriage and in our kids.

You catch more flies with honey, as they say (or is that bees?). Losing your patience and yelling at someone only makes the other person feel like they have to defend themselves, which doesn't do anyone any good.

If you have a problem with lack of patience, try for one week to bite your tongue before you yell or lose your patience at your husband, your kids, co-worker, etc. and see how the week goes. I know it is so hard at first (and you will slip up from time to time), but at the end of the week, you'll see a difference.

God Bless You


**Linked with Women Living Well

1 comment:

  1. Kelly, I was just talking with a friend earlier about this "what's ok for me as a woman is not ok for my husband." I can raise my voice to him, but I don't like it when he raises his voice to me. :) I used to be a yelling mom too, so I understand what you are talking about. Great encouragement to try biting our tongue for a week (letting God have control) and see what changes occur in our homes.