Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Cor. 15:58


Monday, June 27, 2011

Day 9: "A Gentle Answer..."

Proverbs 15:1-- A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.


Yesterday, we talked about anger.  Today, we will talk about ways to deflect anger.

Have you ever tried to fight with a person who would NOT yell back?

In a word, it's annoying!

If you are in an argument with someone who won't raise their temper back, it's not only frustrating, but it makes you more likely to STOP fighting.

I speak from experience *whistles not so innocently*

When my husband and I first got married, we did what any newly married couple did... we had arguments.  And like lots of married couples, we didn't know 'how' to fight besides yelling.  Well..... ok, that's a lie.  *I* yelled.  He would walk off and 'cool down' (which drove me nuts because *I* wanted to confrontation... *I* wanted to get my anger out.)  HE was actually doing the right thing (not that I saw it at the time) by not raising his voice (which I'm sure he'd LOVE to at times... and did some).  But the times he DIDN'T raise his voice, the argument didn't last as long.

I've learned over the years that if I want to 'win' a fight, I have to control my desire to yell.  I have to be rational and I have to listen/get my point across calmly...

DO you know how hard that is?  Of course you do!  That's why we need to pray for a gentle spirit... for soft words in a fight... and that does NOT mean to let someone run all over you.  Far from it.  When you talk gently, you get everything out in a calm way.  You remember more of what you WANT to say and can have a clear argument.

Now, anger is natural.  We all get angry. It's not healthy to hold it in.  Some ways to do that are:
*write in a journal
*use a stressball
*light a soothing candle
*go for a walk
*count backwards
*take a few deep breaths

Those are just a few.  You have to get anger out before it turns to hate (which we talked about yesterday), but you need to get it out in the right way (yeap, I'm still working on this one....)

In summary, when we disagree with someone be it our spouse, co-worker, neighbor, etc., try to use gentle words.  Harsh words will just make it worse-- and if you are like me you will just feel bad about it later.

God Bless You!!!



  1. Hi Kelly. I agree with you. Whenever I get into a confrontation with my husband, I defend, defend, defend, and he just ignores me and I get louder and louder...But those times when I have said my piece and walked away and waited, God has used that and my hubby has come back to me, (later!!!), and it gets sorted out. Its definitely a waiting and controlling your tongue game which I normally lose. You'd think I'd learn. Well, I keep trying.
    God bless and thanks for the advice.

  2. I agree! I always try to use a calm voice when I am angry. It calms me and those around me. People always think that I am even-tempered and wise-LOL! It's the LORD-NOT ME! When in a pressing situation, I pray silently for guidance in my speech, thoughts and actions. I liked this post! Blessings!

  3. Before my husband and I got married he told me he does not argue I thought he was kidding, well needless to say I found out he was right. I can be upset about something and he will not argue with me at all. He will even tell me baby, when you calm down and not emotional we will talk later. And he will walk away or continue doing what he was doing. Sometimes he will change the conversation and start asking me something to get my mind off of it. No one can argue by themselves..and now that we been married for some time now I am learning not to argue. When I get upset instead of taking it out on him I find other ways to get all that energy out. Either going to the gym, doing a project within the house, cleaning or turn my music on and get dancing.

    Jesus got angry but never sin and that is what we must learn to do..

  4. No one can argue with themselves... SO true! I love that your husband told you he wouldn't fight. Mine doesn't a lot... like I said, it annoyed me at first lol.

    Thanks so much for taking the time to leave replies ladies :)