Day 9: "A Gentle Answer..."

Proverbs 15:1-- A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

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Yesterday, we talked about anger.  Today, we will talk about ways to deflect anger.

Have you ever tried to fight with a person who would NOT yell back?

In a word, it's annoying!

If you are in an argument with someone who won't raise their temper back, it's not only frustrating, but it makes you more likely to STOP fighting.

I speak from experience *whistles not so innocently*

When my husband and I first got married, we did what any newly married couple did... we had arguments.  And like lots of married couples, we didn't know 'how' to fight besides yelling.  Well..... ok, that's a lie.  *I* yelled.  He would walk off and 'cool down' (which drove me nuts because *I* wanted to confrontation... *I* wanted to get my anger out.)  HE was actually doing the right thing (not that I saw it at the time) by not raising his voice (which I'm sure he'd LOVE to at times... and did some).  But the times he DIDN'T raise his voice, the argument didn't last as long.

I've learned over the years that if I want to 'win' a fight, I have to control my desire to yell.  I have to be rational and I have to listen/get my point across calmly...

DO you know how hard that is?  Of course you do!  That's why we need to pray for a gentle spirit... for soft words in a fight... and that does NOT mean to let someone run all over you.  Far from it.  When you talk gently, you get everything out in a calm way.  You remember more of what you WANT to say and can have a clear argument.

Now, anger is natural.  We all get angry. It's not healthy to hold it in.  Some ways to do that are:
*exercise
*write in a journal
*use a stressball
*meditate
*light a soothing candle
*go for a walk
*count backwards
*take a few deep breaths

Those are just a few.  You have to get anger out before it turns to hate (which we talked about yesterday), but you need to get it out in the right way (yeap, I'm still working on this one....)

In summary, when we disagree with someone be it our spouse, co-worker, neighbor, etc., try to use gentle words.  Harsh words will just make it worse-- and if you are like me you will just feel bad about it later.

God Bless You!!!

Kelly

Day 8: Anger Leads to Hate....

Ephesians 4:26-- And "don't sin by letting anger control you".  Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

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Ah--- anger.

That most disliked and possibly most used emotion.

No one likes it when someone is angry at them, but it is so easy to become angry and stay angry with someone----- Even yourself.

There are a million ways to be angry with yourself.
*You think you say the wrong things.
*You aren't a size 2.
*You say something you regret.
*You aren't "perfect"
*You broke someones heart.
*You think you let God down.

And the hard part is that its actually easier to forgive someone else than ourselves.

Anger--in any form-- is dangerous.  Yoda was right when he said, "Fear is the path to the Dark Side.  Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to Hate.  Hate leads to suffering"  And it's not always you who does the suffering for your fear... and for your anger.... and for your hate.

I know this isn't really uplifting and encouraging today... but it's something I think we all need to think about.  Our actions have a direct relationship with everyone around us.  Our hate... our love.  Our anger... our graciousness.  Our fear... our giving.

Hate and anger fester like some sort of weird little bump on our skin (um.. ewww).  Take a splinter than has wedged itself under our skin (just like a little annoyance we might have).
Maybe a:
*Gossipy friend.
*An unattractive habit of our spouse
*Scoffing at ourselves in the mirror

Then, after a while if we don't deal with the splinter, it grows... gets infected.  The anger rises...
*Will my friend just stop talking!
*I can't STAND being around my spouse!
*Ug!  I detest my body!!

By that time, if not dealt with, the splinter has gotten so infected, so nasty that it's big.. and green... and ugly (as hate often is.  There is nothing pretty about hate.)
*A Friendship ended by harsh words
*A marriage ended
*Non-existant self-esteem

The Fear, Anger, and Hate are usually followed by another emotion... another dirty one.  Suffering.
*We suffer because we lose a close friend and now have no one to talk to
*The kids suffer because our marriage ended
*Our self-worth suffers because we think more about some photoshopped celebrity than ourselves

Anger is a normal emotion. It is!  We all have it.  But we have got to be watchful to forgive whatever it is that has caused our anger (be it another person, ourselves, circumstances, etc) and not let it control us.  We can't dwell on it.  If we do, it will start eating at us.

Don't let anger control you.  I know its hard... I KNOW it's hard.  Believe me.  But it will make us happier in the end.

God Bless you!!!!!

Kelly